Is The Present Matter?

Thinking about the future too much hurts my head, I forgot to enjoy the present…
Thank you for making me understand the most important part in life…
I’ll work hard and try to have as much fun as possible…
Road to pursue happiness doesn’t have to be sad, that is true. Don’t get angry at me because I’m stubborn. But… That’s kinda cute though… Hahaha…
Imagine if I say, “Please get angry at me~!”
Like I’m turning into this submissive being… LOL!! The truth is, I’ll break down and cry if you do raise your voice. Not right in front of you but, I’ll definitely go hide some where and overthink, all those “what ifs”.
I know how stubborn I can be at some point. Especially concerning my health. I rarely sleep these days, I eat the same food and drink the same drink everyday, I over-practiced, I sprained my ankle. Hmm… That sounds worse than what really happened…
I got up this morning and get a cup of coffee from the machine. The smell of warm coffee in the morning is a good start for a change. I forgot to buy some croissant for breakfast. I’m too lazy to go outside again because I’m not really fond of the weather recently. I ended up eating bananas, choco bar, and potato chips since I always have them stacked in my room. Here I am in front of the monitors again. However, this time, I have things in my mind that I want to do…… That sounds familiar… Isn’t that what I always do when I’m in front of the monitors…………

O’ dear…

The thing that I want to talk about today is how some people in life can really affect your way of thinking. I guess that’s it. Even though I’m stubborn but, at times, I will need some encouragements and external opinion. LOL!! I never really talk to a lot of people. Usually, I will just post something on my FB and my friends will help me figure it out. Yes, my friends are very helpful even though we don’t really engage socially that much. Hmm… That sounds weird, isn’t it? What I mean is… I always think that friends are people who talk to you on a daily basis? Excuse me if my perspective towards this matter is a bit shallow. I feel that I’m bad at social thing since I always feel lonely. I have this idea that friendship is a luxury I can’t afford.

Moving on.

I have been working really hard and thinking about the future a lot. I thought that if I work hard now, I can have the future that I wanted. I thought that I can’t waste my time. Someone used to tell me that I have to make it now or never. Of course, that way of thinking is terrible as it will destroy you. I learn that we shouldn’t rush but, of course, never take time for granted as well. Everything has it’s time. So, I should just work hard, chill, relax, and enjoy the moment. I know it sounds very easy, right? BUT, IT’S NOT!!!
I always ended up worrying and wanting to do more and more and more and, in the end, I tire myself and fill my mind with thoughts that drains me mentally.
The key is to work while enjoying the present. So, I’m someone who like to plan things and I have plan A-Z. LOL!! That’s not really good because it makes me less flexible to change. I should stop making plans for the future but, instead~ Start enjoying the present. I need to relax, enjoy what I’m doing right now. Have fun. Balance my work and my break. Yes, everyone need a break once in a while. I know that it’s not good to keep pushing yourself to do everything at once and finish everything as fast as you can. This doesn’t mean that you can slack off anytime you want but, plan it. Urgh… What’s with this plans again? I thought you just said that you should stop planning for the future. LOL!! It’s not like that… It’s more like… After doing some progress, you should give  yourself a break, take it as a reward for completing some task. That sounds better, right? I mean, slacking off really sounds terrible and make me want to work more.
The most important thing is to remember that life is not short, it’s just the right amount if time which is why everyone’s time is different. Embrace it, enjoy the moment. Do things that you like, things that you enjoy. Work with joy, not pressure. Sit back and relax but, never take it for granted. Balance.
Do what you do best with your best effort.
Another thing to keep in mind is… I don’t know your situation but, I hope you can find what makes you happy and be happy.
Me, myself, I’m struggling with myself (mentally, I’m dying) right now. I don’t want to self-diagnose myself with anything but, clearly I have a problem. It is wise to seek help and to embrace our current state. Be honest with yourself. Don’t feel embarrassed. It’s ok.
Aim to be the best version of you 😀

“You are not alone.”

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