I went back home in February and I came back to Tokyo in April. Well, March 31st. I noticed that my introvert side is making me quite uncomfortable at home when everyone was trying to spend as much time as possible with me. It’s not that I don’t miss them. It’s more like… I need some space and what they’re trying to do is just too much for me. Good thing is… I’m a very patient person. However I was exhausted. Believe me, it’s not easy when they treat me fully like an extrovert.
Coming back to Tokyo means I’m going to spend most of my time alone with myself which is not bad but, kinda sad because I know that I will miss the laughter and the fact that I can be as lazy as I want at home but, here in Tokyo, I have to do everything by myself. I have to get my ass of the chair for a glass of water. And then… There’s something in my mind too. It’s lonely here and not having someone to talk to is frustrating. Really. As much as I appreciate the silence, I need to communicate with other humans or I could lose my mind. Then, how did I manage to go through all of that before? Well, I actually had someone to talk to for quite a while. And also… I didn’t go through as smooth. I did went crazy and out of my mind for some time. I had some terrible time dealing with depression.
As for today,
I woke up at 4 A.M. because the meds effect were gone. I took some kinda Benadryl because recently, I got allergic reaction, not from pollen but, from… It’s complicated. When I get too tired, my immune system goes down and I would be allergic to most food that I love.
I decided to get up and being lazy, watched some anime and some crime investigation series. I don’t usually watch that kind of series but, I’m having a problem with myself and my so called ego. Hahaha…
Anyway… I decided to go out. I was planning to go hunt for pictures in the afternoon but, since I was wide awake, I went out to Naka-Meguro river, Ueno Park, and Sensoji Temple in Asakusa. I got tons of pictures. you can see those pictures in the link below.
At Sensoji Temple, I took an Omikuji. It’s like a small fortune telling stuff written on a small piece of paper. You shake the big cans and a small piece of wood will come out. There’s a number on the wood and you’ll put the wood back, open the drawer with the number written on the wood. That’s your fortune. You tie bad fortune and leave it there and you carry good fortune.
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This is my #omikuji… Today… This morning, I took it at #SensojiTemple and… It's true. It's encouraging. The truth hurts. I've been hurting myself, hurting my feeling, hurting my heart… I've been filling my mind with nothing but, bad things… I have to let that go and no more excuse. And yeah, I've always been lonely, all my life. Cuz I have no one in my heart. It's either people dismiss themselves (by time or circumstances) or I just leave. I'm not good at socializing. Maybe I expect too much… Or I'm just not worthy. The thing is… I think about it too much and I blame myself more than you can imagine.
“This is my #omikuji… Today… This morning, I took it at#SensojiTemple and… It’s true. It’s encouraging. The truth hurts. I’ve been hurting myself, hurting my feeling, hurting my heart… I’ve been filling my mind with nothing but, bad things… I have to let that go and no more excuse. And yeah, I’ve always been lonely, all my life. Cuz I have no one in my heart. It’s either people dismiss themselves (by time or circumstances) or I just leave. I’m not good at socializing. Maybe I expect too much… Or I’m just not worthy. The thing is… I think about it too much and I blame myself more than you can imagine.“
I got a small fortune. I carry it home because I think it’s true and I wanna fix me. I have to…
I wanna start fresh.
I hope you guys are enjoying the season…
Well, unless you haven pollen allergy… That’s just too bad…