Some times ago, I thought that it’s better for me to be like how I used to be. The ‘selfish’ me, the loner, the one who never let people in. Well, I ain’t like that. I ain’t that cold but… It’s not that I don’t want to. I have these stuff in my head. Shit happens in life. We all got several things in life that we just wanna throw away, burry them deep in the middle of nowhere and forget about it.
I used to believe that it’s better to just keep myself away from the light, sit in the corner of the dark room, hide behind every smile. It doesn’t mean every smile and laughters are fake. It’s true but, it doesn’t mean that deep inside, I’m happy. I believe some of you feel the same way or have experienced this before. It’s really terrible because I wanna be happy and free. However, there’s always things that pull us down. They’re just so heavy, it hurts to stand.
Life is always a challenge and sometimes, it drags us down so bad, we just wanna give up.
So, about my “some times ago”, I was afraid that I would end up hurting people. It’s the last thing I want. But, I have come to realized that it’s impossible not to hurt anyone along the way. We aren’t mind readers and, as I said before, I ain’t a saint. I have a heart though, no matter how cold I look.
I just wanna share how I feel about this matter. I’ve been through a lot. Fortunately, I made it through… Hahaha… I’m still alive. Some people never make it though.
Every breath you take, it’s a struggle, every day is a war. I know, it’s that hard.
But, trust me, (or don’t) it’ll just get darker. And you’ll get used to it.
It’s how we get stronger. People like us, we always think that no one could possibly understand us. True. Which is why we have to try to open up. Let the light in.
I tried to and for me, I do find someone who can (or still trying to) understand. It doesn’t really matter to me how many humans care. I just need one who truly cares. I don’t need the whole world to listen to my story. I just need one who really listen. You got my point.
Just a little warning though…
Because… You know, I’ve been busy. that person is busy too. We all got things to do. Don’t blame the situation or others. It’s just how life is. It’s unfair to everyone (So, I said, it’s kinda fair actually).
So, what happen next…
No one can heal us. We kinda know that. Hahaha… Yeah, I’m not hoping for that. I’m just trying to see it in another point of view like… Maybe these scars aren’t so bad to wear. So people can see that I’m a survivor. So others can be encouraged.
There’s this thin red line that connects us.
“My dark corner… It feels lonely and quiet.
I’m so addicted to you now…”
I’m 3,500 miles away. Every morning, I wish I could wake up next to you. Maybe you should try and see what you’ve become from my perspective. I could never tell ’cause no words can describe. You’re the only one I can tell all my stories without fear of being left alone.
Thank you for being there for me…