There are a lot of things in my mind. My mom said that I got stressed easily. Yes, she’s right. I think too much. Eventhough I know it’s not good for me but, how can I not; I have to think about these things. I’m so close to the edge. I’m cracking under the pressure. It’s so close to the point where I would say, “Fuck everything! I don’t care anymore!” But, I’m a very patient human being. Some people can tell. Some don’t. I don’t really care about that.
Thing is, I think, I have to cancel Osaka, Kyoto, Nara, Kobe. It’s the music school thing again. I really want to get in but, this is getting complicated and it scares me. All the “what if” (s) , they are haunting me now.
I was in such a bad shape. Losing sleep, not eating properly, everything is so wrong. I started hallucinating things. I started to lose my ability to determine which word should I use in conversation. I started to feel sick eating food I love. I didn’t finish my pizza! Щ(ºДºщ) And I didn’t finish my coke! Щ(ºДºщ)
Recently, my special someone is being very kind. This time it’s different. I don’t know if it’s just me being super depressed and started to feel everyone is so kind to make myself feel better or what? This person is being so kind to me like… Making me really happy. Very happy indeed.
“You know, every time you said you love me, I feel really happy. When you said your love is beyond infinity, you can’t imagine how happy I was (still super happy). And when you said I’m your dearest… I can’t describe. You’ve made me super, ultra happy.”
Yup. The super and ultra are so childish but, I like it that way.
“Because fuck life. That’s why.”