Heart and Mind

I know a lot of people in this world went through heart break(s). You, him, her, them… I’ve seen enough. I just never thought I’ll feel it.

Until recently.

If you know me, or have seen how I am, or just heard about me, or anything… You know, I’m a person who don’t care about this relationship thing. I super don’t care! I plan to stay single forever! For the rest of my life! For my next 29 years! At least that’s what my mind thinks.

On the other hand, we all know, the heart is so stupid.

My heart is contradicting my mind.

There’s something in this world that I want, someone. I can’t have that someone. I know, I can’t, I can NEVER have a someone EVER! My principal, my pride, the path that I choose, EVERYTHING that I’ve been thinking, working on, all the things I believe in, I will never allow myself. This heart is too stupid to realize that or what!?

“Are you blind? Can’t you see the path in front of you?”

It’s not like me at all. And, hey, it’s not that Wine have fallen. Hahaha… I won’t allow myself. I will never… O’ God… This is so hard for me.

This is super forbidden! It’s against myself!

You might think it’s kinda funny. Well, yeah, it is. My mind laugh at my heart.

Well, I too, have desire. I am made of flesh. I have this organs, cells, blood, everything functioning like every other humans. I have evil thoughts, I have lust, I have pride, I have done good and bad things. I am indeed a human like you. But, I’m not like everyone. I’m not that… How do you call it… Normal? Generally, people would say that I’m a freak.

HAH! (笑)

Yes. I am.

So, I’m just saying this to myself, I mean, I have to prepare the heart, someone will shatter it. I’ll pick it up later and stick’em together again. I will continue my journey after that. For my 29 years; I’m gonna be 21 this year and I plan to live until (around) 50; I will experience this thing that made a lot of people suffer. Heart break. I hope it’s not that bad…


I must be crazy.

The person told me to hate them. How could I…


And yeah, I know we will not be together, EVER! I won’t allow it. And the person too, shall never love me the way I love them. This is against my law! (My own mind)

I never know this kind of stuff… This is so weird… Hahaha…

They are going to shatter the heart and I’m just waiting patiently…
(Because I don’t want to kill anyone)

I hope I can get over this… (I know I will) But, I’m just afraid of the temporary pain, might leave a mark…

2 Comments Add yours

  1. ann says:

    ( ‘_’)/(._. )
    i feel you, i know its horrible but that was not the worst thing in this weird world we are living in.
    may every troubble that u faced forged you to be a stronger person

    1. Thanks, I hope I can be stronger in the future…

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