I feel kinda weird to write this but, I don’t know why I’m writing this. It’s just that I feel like, I can’t go back anymore.
Do you know…
The human eye can function from very dark to very bright levels of light. The eye takes approximately 20–30 minutes to fully adapt from bright sunlight to complete darkness and become ten thousand to one million times more sensitive than at full daylight. In this process, the eye’s perception of color changes as well (this is called the Purkinje effect). However, it takes approximately five minutes for the eye to adapt to bright sunlight from darkness.
It’s like… I’ve been in the dark for such a long time, the light is nothing than blinding. But, It’s not really like that. It’s warm. I like it. But, when I go back to the dark corner, I can’t see anything. It’s cold, colder than before. It’s because you’re so warm. I get used to you. Now I can’t handle the darkness. I can’t endure the cold. It’s piercing through my skin. I understand how life works. People come and go, right? I can’t be selfish and ask someone to stay forever. Eventually, people move on and continue their journey. We don’t follow the same path forever. Sometimes we just leave and make our own. It will cross others but, won’t go with them forever. The more you adapt to the good stuff, the more pain you feel when you got hurt. That’s how it works, right? What a fucking… Damn… Life. It’s too fair that we feel the laughter and the pain. But, when the pain come after you taste joy, you would want the pain. But… Like Job said, we have to accept even the bad stuff.
“So, damn, I accept them.”
Hurt me. Tear me apart. Sick soul.
“I just have to live. At least, for the next 29 years…”
I pray to God to give me strength I know I don’t posses. I ask for miracles. I ask for an angel. I asked for a friend (Yeah, just one). I want to live without worry. How is that possible… I do not have the ability to endure everything. Even my mind and flesh torture me. My spirit drowns.
“We were born with nothing.”
It’s not that I want to say bad stuff and bring people down. I’m just a bit angry right now. For reasons I cannot tell. It’s my fault to feel, it’s my fault to open the door to pain. No one knows our sorrow but, our own heart. I’m feeling this emotions again. You know, sometimes you just hate it, feeling the same thing over and over again. You got sick of it but, you can’t do anything about it. You push it away but, it’ll just come back stronger. くだらない。