What I Learned

I’ve been hating people ever since I was a child. You know it already, I guess, that people were created with the power to love and to hate freely. Yes, I think that’s the only freedom I have. Even if I hate you, you’ll never know unless I tell you myself. Just like when I love someone, I wouldn’t tell, she’ll never know. (I always mention someone I love with ‘she’, ‘her’, as a female. That’s not odd, right? I just feel like it’s better.)

When I was 15 years old, my teacher taught me that love is a great power because God made us like that. He said that God made human like that, with love. I guess… He said that human were born with love, not religion. Human grow up with love, no religion. When they’re mature, they’ll choose their religion but, they can never choose love because they’re born with it. I guess it’s a bit complicated but, the point is, love is higher than anything. That’s good.

Now, about hatred whom saved my life. Why? How come hatred saved my life? If I never hate anyone, I’ll be dead by now, or maybe long time ago by committing suicide. I think about killing myself a lot, hurting myself a lot either. Why? Because I’m hurt, my inside hurts. My heart bleeds. Am I being miserable or poetic…? No. I’m not in the mood for that. Hehehe… You see, people hate other people. Sometimes people are annoying. We hate that kind of people.

We can never stop hating. We were born with it, love and hate. We can choose which side we’re on but, we’re still gonna have to live with it. Deal with it, stop living in your shadow and being so naive.

I used to love my family. I thought this was the best family ever. Yet I am wrong. People change so fast. My dad turn into someone I never know. My mom turn into a raging bull, always angry at me like I’m worthless. No one is really there to support me. Maybe I was too young to think that this is a good family. Or maybe I’m just wrong. I don’t know it anymore. The fact and the illusion. I just want a good life. I just want to be happy. I just want to meet someone who really care, someone who love me the way I am, not someone who forced to love me because I was born from their seeds, not bloodline love, not forced love, I want pure love because I am thirsty, I hate too much and now, I need love so bad. When my family can’t give me a single drop of love… When I feel so desperate, no one really came to me and hug me. I’m being lonely in a huge crowd, you know what I mean…? It hurts so bad…

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